We can make it if we run! 

Slap Jack in a Hat.

A Message From Henderson Cole About His Radio Show: The ALTERNATIVE.

The ALTERNATIVE is evolving!!!

Hey people! Hope you are having a good summer. I have some news about The Alternative's future. The show has been great so far, and I have loved every single minute of it BUT I personally think it can be better. MUCH BETTER. so this year I am totally renovating the show. Same great music. Same funny comments and clips. but now with live interviews from your favorite bands, new ways for you to listen, better ways to get YOUR favorite bands on the show, and to talk with me while I'm on air. I want to make this show as fun for you as it is for me. That's high standard but I have hope, and you know what they say about hope... it floats ships or something. So maybe it'll make a radio show the best ever. it seems versatile.

The renovation has begun. I'm excited to introduce the new twitter for the show @UDAlternative follow it!!! I'll update you with music news, news about upcoming shows, and whatever else i can think of! its also going to be a great way to get your requests in fast.

Next Up is a new and improved facebook page for the show, because facebook has decided to close down all old groups and start a new format. And I have decided I want a new look for the page. should be up soon.

More updates to come... stay awesome and keep listening to great music.
PEACE

- Hendo

Shitty Horror Movie of the Day: Killer Klowns From Outer Space

I had seen this movie before, but I had forgotten its awfullness until me and Henderson decided to watch it last night. It has literally taken me 24 hours and half a bottle of Jack Daniels to fully comprehend (again) how dumb this movie is. It's really not even entertaining as a joke. Here are the absolute movie fails that have been scorched into my brain:

1. No explanation of what the hell this movie is about. Are all clowns evil? Are they really a race of monsters that kill humans with bad party tricks? Is the cotton candy acidic? Do real clowns explode when you shoot them in the nose? Guess we'll never know.
2. The main characters in this movie are so stupid, you actually want them to die.
3. No nude scenes. Even the worst of 80s horror flicks have some sort of female exposure that makes thirteen year old boys sit through these awful ordeals. This would have been the only thing that made this movie enjoyable and they fucked up that too.
4. More unanswered questions. Why did that cop hate college kids (who all looked like they were in their mid 30s) so much? Also what the hell was in that ice cream truck that exploded? Jugs of napalm?
5. No sex scenes. There is some suggestion of sex at one point in the movie when the two main characters are hooking up (in an inflated raft in the trunk of a car). This is of course interrupted by a flying circus tent that just had to be investigated. The only other sexual innuendo in the movie is the two guys who drove the ice cream truck may have been violently raped by two clown chicks with inflatable boobs. It's never really revisited in the movie.
6. At the end of the movie, the day is saved when the super retard gorilla clown is shot in the nose and the whole space ship blows up. Really inefficient engineering on the clowns' part. Then everyone is happy and celebrating, despite the fact that everybody in the town except for three people are dead.

To conclude, the only thing (according to H.C.) that makes this movie better than Hobgoblins, is that there was no five minute long rake fight scene. This movie will make you hate clowns more than you already probably do.

Things That Have Happened Over The Last Couple Of Weeks.

I haven't really been updating this blog recently due to my day job, broken camera, and overall failure to keep organized. But nevertheless good/weird stuff has happened over the last couple of weeks and as oppose to writing a detailed story about each occurrence, I'm just gonna make a list. So here it is.

1. Saw the world's worst disguised tranny outside of 7/11 at 9 a.m on a Tuesday.
2. Went to Six Flags with H.C.(Bill and Ted style) and went on every roller coaster. 3. We also discovered that the new Bizzaro World coaster is just the old Medusa coaster painted blue. (Which is also the same roller coaster that Robbie K threw up on seven years ago)
4. Started using the phrase "TGIF" again.
5. I made disco fries the most common factor of my weekly diet.
6. Discovered Monster Mug Night at Cleveland's on Wednesdays.
7. H.C. was prescribed (by his doctor) to go tanning and take steroids for his skin and became even more jersey.
8. Went to ex's birthday party, got decently intoxicated, and passed out in my car in front of her house. The next morning I was woken up by the cops.
9. Started watching MST3K again, which is probably my new favorite show now that Game of Thrones is done.
10. Went to the Zumiez Couch Tour thing behind the Livingston Mall, where the lead singer of I See Stars stated that "I see some people in the front here having fun but I see alot of other people in the back just standing there, and thats cool too."
11. Found out that Dr. Pepper + Whip Cream Burnett's = a fine tasting beverage.

Crap Horror Movie of the Day

I didn't even watch this yet, and part of me feels I really don't have to.

Old School H.A.M.N. Shot.

Courtesy of H.C.

Dumb Photo Project.

This is a dumb project I did with a girl for my final grade in photography. It didn't turn out the way we originally planned it, but it only took us 3 hours to finish and we both got an A. Enjoy.

Tonight

We're going down to UDEL tonight to hang with H.C. on his radio show. So tune in bitches.

Crap/Best Cult Horror Movie of the Day: Return Of The Living Dead

ROTLD. This movie is so bad/awesome on so many levels.
Zombies eat brains and cannot be killed by anything.
Naked chick dancing in graveyard.
The Zombies can talk to you (about why they eat brains for some reason).
It takes place during the 80s.
Nobody survives.
Zombies trick cops and paramedics into graveyard death trap.
The soundtrack is also pretty awesome.

In and Out Burger.

It was brought to my attention that this video is really funny.

See more funny videos and TBT at Todays Big Thing.

But I personally feel that this chicks reaction is completely warranted. Have you ever been to In and Out Burger? It fucking rules. If they ever open one in Jersey, you will see tears in my eyes. My apologies to BK, Wendy's, and MickyD's. I still love you...for now.

Listen to the Alternative on WVUD

Heres the link: http://www.wvud.org/listen_online.htm

Fat People Suck

Seriously They Really Just Suck.

The Worst Strip Club Ever.

This is Busty Heart. She is in the Guinness Book of World Records for her knockers, and is the current owner of Busty's. This is an infamous strip club in the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania, and this last weekend my friends and I decided that it was finally time to make the journey. Note: She doesn't look like that anymore.
It was really a spur of the moment trip. Literally someone said we should go and we left. It was a bumpy ride (especially when someone vomited straight whiskey out the window) but nevertheless we made it there. I wasn't unbelievably surprised when we arrived at the place. It was basically a doublewide trailer that had a neon sign on it. Things went down hill pretty quickly. The bouncer denied half of us at the door, only because we were too intoxicated. But I was one of the few who was allowed to enter this pristine establishment. And low and behold, the interior was basically someone's home with a make-shift bar (that only served soda), and a home made runway with a single pole in the center. On the upside, it was BYOB! So we quickly purchased some much needed cheap brew.
It didn't take me long to realize that there were dogs and cats openly roaming inside the trailer. Then comes the girls. Most of them were pretty gross. Like C-section scars, messed up teeth, and scary privates kinda gross. Overall they were very friendly. So the night started off with the younger girls dancing, who were probably still in high school. Then as we got drunker, the more mature hags began shoving their asses into our faces. They refused to take the money from my hands unless it was with their tits, despite me not wanting to touch them. The girls even invited us on stage to dance with them and try out the pole. I didn't want to, but they made me... One of them kept smiling at me really creepily, which made me uncomfortable since the dog in the corner probably had better hygiene then her. Then came the main event.
Busty was going to perform for us and all the other girls went away. I was so happy when the older ones were gone. We were forced to watch a tape of Busty's television appearances, that mostly involved her crushing beer cans and melons with her breasts. Then out of nowhere, she appeared and crushed a can right out of my friend's hand. I didn't even know what the hell was going on, before I was smacked in the face with two sacks of lifeless flesh. It was like being punched in the face. No joke, it actually hurt. She then put her fun bags over my shoulders and engulfed my entire torso. After she did this to me, she proceeded with this routine with the rest of my frightened entourage. She then said we could take three pictures with her for three minutes, which only two of us partook in.
This woman was not young. Her nipples looked dead. I am amazed to this very moment that she is still able to walk with those things. To top it all off, she smashed perfectly good beers out of our hands. So, when we ran out of beer, I felt this was an opportune time to leave. Before we walked out, the girls gave us bumper stickers that say "I Saw Snappers at Busty Heart's". If "snappers" is some sort of euphemism for scary looking vaginas, then I completely agree with that statement. After this experience, I did some research and found out that there are some package deals where you can spend a night in a hot tub with Busty or a payed time limit in a dirty bed with the girls. Not only that, but her place is for sale. This can be seen on her very well designed website:
http://www.bustyheart.com/index2.ivnu. So if your interested in buying, let me tell you that this establishment is a winner. While on the website, feel free to check out a clusterfuck of her videos. Like this one of her hanging out with David Hasselhoff:

Find more videos like this on HoffSpace
She's apparently a hit in Germany.

Listen online here: http://www.wvud.org/listen_online.htm
It's supposedly a theme night of some sort so....ya.

Yep.

I know what your thinking and yes one of the cowboy monkeys does have it's own website.
http://www.whiplashrides.com/

Listen to the Alternative.

Listen online here:http://www.wvud.org/listen_online.htm

Super Jail

Superjail is one of my favorite cartoons. It's kinda messed up, but it's one of the few cartoons that is still made like they used to do it back in the day. The show just finished making it's second season, so you should watch it (unless obscene and violent imagery make you uncomfortable). It's usually on cartoon network late at night. Vice did an interview with the creator, Chrisy Karacas. Here's the video:

Also here's the Intro Theme song, which I think is pretty cool:

Another Great Movie Moment.

See more funny videos and TBT at Todays Big Thing.

Why did he give himself up? His gun can blow up houses.
Source: todaysbigthing.com

Last Night @ Mansfield....(Scott is the coolest)

Last night, a group of friends and I drove two hours to Mansfield University. We were visiting one of my roommate's sister, who is a music major at the school. She told us that it would be a fun night. When we arrived, we were very eager to begin drinking and hurried our way into the freshman dorms with a bag full of Keystone Ices and a bottle of Evan Williams. I hadn't drank in a dorm in over a year, so it was a nice bit of nostalgia at first. The girls that were our hosts were a bit awkward at first, so we started out with a game of "Up Chicken Down Chicken" to break the ice (this is one of the best drinking games ever and I recommend all play it at some point). We were having a great time, but I had forgotten the negative aspects of living in a dorm.

There was a loud knock on the door, and the girls immediately became silent. Us being idiots, didn't even realize what was going on, so we continued to drink and asked out loud who it was. The individual behind the door said his name was Scott, and one of the girls said this was okay. Apparently he was the coolest R.A. in the building. Well the "coolest" R.A. in the building walked into the room and proceeded to write down all of our info, write up all the girls that lived there, and had us pour out ALL of our booze...I then wondered how the worst R.A. in the dorm would handle this situation. I imagined a person shooting me in the kneecap and pouring my confiscated beer into my open wound. When all the reprimanding was finished, cool guy Scott quietly thanked us for cooperating with him and said it was very nice meeting all of us. My friends and I were not happy, and soon found out that Mansfield University was a completely dry campus.

Some of the girls were kind of upset (they were crying). They had gotten written up, so we left some of them and headed into town. We went to a place called the Hungry Monkey and ate some greasy food while drinking 40s. I really enjoyed this spot. I began to notice that for a Friday night it didn't seem like there were any students out on the town. We inquired about the lack of fun people, especially the female ones. Well it turns out there was a relay for life event going on that night and the whole school basically attends this from 10 p.m. until 4 a.m.. Why we weren't informed that this was going to be the lamest Friday night of the year before we traveled there, I do no know. We decided that we needed to get shit housed at a bar as soon as possible. Well guess what. There is basically only one bar at Mansfield and they were closing early that night. So we ordered what we could before last call, and one of our friends stormed off into the evening alone. He would later wake up and find himself inside of a storage closet, inside a building he did not remember entering.

The rest of us wandered sad and drunk back to the sober dorms. We came across a church and for some reason ,that I still not understand, we started praying in front of this church. I stood at the top of the stairs and began reciting the Latin "Our Father" to my small congregation. A cop car drives passed us. This car whips around and the officer immediately gets out and tells us to freeze. We all stood there very dumbfounded by what was going on. Our hands were in the air and his flashlight was in our faces. This is the basic dialogue:

Cop: Get over here! I want two of you facing me and the other two facing the other way!
(We all turn around and face the other way)
Cop: I said I want two of you facing me!
(We all turn around and face him)
Cop: Do it right!
(At this point we are all freaked out and didn't know what to do, so we all started spinning in circles. I imagine this would have been really funny to watch)
Cop: Hold still! What are you boys doing over here.
Mike: Would you believe us If I told you we go to a Catholic school and that for some reason we thought it was a good time to pray. I can't tell you why we were praying, I just know that we were actually not doing anything wrong.
(The cop goes from being the meanest guy in the world to our new best friend)

We told him what school we went to, and he informed us that he loved our basketball team. He let us go. We stumbled back to the dorms and drank the rest of what we saved before passing out in a small room filled with mattresses. I woke up the following morning with your typical post-night of boozing dehydration feeling. I tried to find a water fountain, but none of them were working. Then I realized the sinks and showers were also not working. I find out that Mansfield turns off their fucking water at some points during the day! After all of this, my we had enough and got in the car and left.

Some advice. Properly research a place before you travel a large distance to get to the location. Make sure they allow booze, have parties, have bars, know the meaning of the word "cool", don't have an all-night relay for life event on a Friday, and have running water.

Listen to the Alternative on WVUD

You ask why? How about you just fucking do it.

Keystone Light Photo-Shoot

I had to do a product shoot for a series of magazine ads..... so naturally I chose Keystone Light.

Poor But Fancy: Die Antwoord

Die Antwoord is a rap-rave group from South Africa and has also become the recent weird music phenomenon that H.C. has found interest in. Wikipedia says the music duo incorporates Zef elements into their music, which apparently is a South African trashy modern-trashy style mixed with a discarded cultural influences. I personally think the music videos are the coolest thing about this group. The two also recently starred in Harmony Korine's short film Umshini Wam, which is about two wheel chair bound criminals stealing stuff. VBS.tv posted the short film about two weeks ago and I've been meaning to embed it here. So here you go.


Also here's a weird music video for the fuck of it.

The month of April is for the foolish. Dumbassia will be posting pictures, videos, events, and other dumb things. Follow us on Twitter and Facebook. Enjoy.

Found an awesome old school picture of a young Dave Mustaine and James Hetfield.

To my very few followers. Sorry for being gone so long but I've been unbelievably swamped with rugby, school, spring break and what not. Good news is I'm trying to get some stuff together so we can reboot in April. This way we can get back to doing whatever it was we did. Thanks for something...

HC is 21

HC is 21 from Dumbassia on Vimeo.