Let me start off by saying the original Jaws was an excellent film and was probably on one of the greatest accomplishments of Stephen Spielfuck's career. That being said....What the fuck happened? Its like this genre of movies is competing to become the worst of all time. I know what your thinking. Yes, I do enjoy some of the shittiest movies ever made, but this has become preposterous. I'm not talking about Jaws 3D, Deep Blue Sea, or Shark Attack. Hell, I'm not even talking about Shark Attack 3:Megalodon (Scene with the guy escaping on a jet ski is hilarious). I'm talking about the lowest budgeted, worst written, poorest acted, suckiest movies ever. Lets begin.
Sharktopus
I put this movie first because its soooo bad, but its bad in a way that I kinda like. It has certain aspects that makes it worse than most movies, yet better than most shark movies. First, Its not about a shark... its about a half shark... a half shark that has its own theme song... and was created by Eric Roberts. The rest of the movie irrelevant. Moving on.
Super Shark
Was that Tracy Morgan? Why is he in this? Better question. Is the walking tank necessary? Probably not. The only explanation is that somebody really wanted to put that poorly animated walking tank in a movie, but they just couldn't build a plot around it... until they found a script about a walking shark. Yeah, Fuck You Movie People. Now, the next movie is where shit starts getting weird.
Sand Sharks
This is the movie that inspired me to write this article. I mean come on. Sharks are scary enough without being mutated into something that has already tried killing Kevin Bacon (Tremors). Another thing about normal, everyday sharks is that their fucking real and can tear you to pieces. They don't need to be gigantic, prehistoric, sand-dwelling, hybrid, psychotic monsters that seek revenge, they can already rip you to pieces at normal size. O well, at least it can't get more ridiculous from this point...
Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws
SERRIOUSSLLLY! There isn't even a Ghost Shark 1! I checked.
Sharktopus
I put this movie first because its soooo bad, but its bad in a way that I kinda like. It has certain aspects that makes it worse than most movies, yet better than most shark movies. First, Its not about a shark... its about a half shark... a half shark that has its own theme song... and was created by Eric Roberts. The rest of the movie irrelevant. Moving on.
Super Shark
Was that Tracy Morgan? Why is he in this? Better question. Is the walking tank necessary? Probably not. The only explanation is that somebody really wanted to put that poorly animated walking tank in a movie, but they just couldn't build a plot around it... until they found a script about a walking shark. Yeah, Fuck You Movie People. Now, the next movie is where shit starts getting weird.
Sand Sharks
This is the movie that inspired me to write this article. I mean come on. Sharks are scary enough without being mutated into something that has already tried killing Kevin Bacon (Tremors). Another thing about normal, everyday sharks is that their fucking real and can tear you to pieces. They don't need to be gigantic, prehistoric, sand-dwelling, hybrid, psychotic monsters that seek revenge, they can already rip you to pieces at normal size. O well, at least it can't get more ridiculous from this point...
Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws
SERRIOUSSLLLY! There isn't even a Ghost Shark 1! I checked.
